Underground Freeway--Day Two

Notes from the Underground
Underground Freeway–Day Two
May 23, 2009
by Pi Kielty

People emailed me their worry, their anger, their fear. I share those feelings–about what I did and what I do. In my life, from experience, when I possess over-confidence, and arrogant pride (also called, hubris), and say things are FINE is when things go awry. I rarely use the word “FINE,” except in capitalized letters. It means, in one sense: F-d up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional). I think loved ones should remain calm until something does go awry-wire.

After I wrote Day One of these Underground Freeway notes, on Friday night, at around 9:30 PM, my friends arrived home. They had gone to dinner with cousins and not camping for the weekend, like I believed. As expected, they were honestly pleased to see me, and even welcomed my tent already put up by the barn. We sat in candlelight at the round outdoor table. I explained my purpose in coming and going, what I escaped and for what I search, to return home alive and a better person. Johann and Ursala shared with me the updates of their children, their children my old college friends through whom I met Johann and Ursala originally. As they related what has happened to their family in the last two years since I last visited, I snacked a late dinner of pulled bread and tuna. Not needing to mention it, but I reassured Johann and Ursala that I did not mean to impose, that I planned to stay a night or two, talk and enjoy the company, draw a little water from the outdoor tap, and then move on to the next place. They reassured me that I was not imposing, that I was always welcome, and have been welcome for 20 years.

After I went to bed at 11 PM, an unusually early time for me, I slept deep and well for 8 hours. I could have slept 8 hours more. In the morning, with Ursala at work, Johann and I drank coffee. Despite trying to fob-off and decline, Johann insisted on treating me to breakfast at “modern” family diner in the next town, closer to The City. He and I both had the special omelette, the asparagus omelette. After we left the restaurant, he drove us in his red pick-up truck to a wholesale natural foods warehouse, owned by people of a religious community, in the next town further away from The City.

Back at the house and barn, I piddle with stuff and gear and read more Emerson. When Ursula arrived home from work I drove to The City to see my friend at her store. After a stop at the shop to go on-line, posting my note and checking my messages, and a sit a spell in the park by the river, Iarrived back at the barn and house at 5 PM.

Johann and Ursula attended a picnic, inviting me to light the twigs in the fire ring. An hour and a half before sunset, I filled the stove with white gas, and I boiled rice and cabbage for dinner. To figure out how the United States lost its several wars in Southeast Asia, one need only eat boiled rice and cabbage as their sole main meal of the day. It is filling, somewhat nutritious, but it is nonetheless a poor man’s fare. When a person has practically nothing, and nothing left but rice and cabbage, of course he and his entire people will fight toward death to keep at least what remains of their dignity and liberty from those who seek to take it away from them. For my meal, I had no spice or salt. Pump up Charlie on hot fish sauce for his rice and cabbage, and an entire invading army has one fed, very pissed off, and glad to die enemy, I’m sure.

This trip causes many questions, to be asked now, at present, and in the future upon my return–whenever that return happens. I hate myself in part for causing the anger, fear, doubt and guilt. On the contrary, I posses no ill feelings toward anyone or anything. I know and accept the anger, or hate, at me. I do understand that they have to feel what they feel, and act on it at the time and place. I committed deception, not betrayal. If it cost anyone their own money for their plans, all will be compensated–by me. I stole nothing, but disappointing trust and goodwill is an selfishism, and I accept all responsibility. My existing contract obligations remain intact, in trust, until they are settled or fulfilled, which was my sole aim for them. I took only myself away, and I made provisions to do so. All debts of honor will be repaid, as will the loan I contracted to go.

One thing should be known. Whether or not I stayed, or if I left on someone else’s journey, my spirit months ago broke– broke complete in the last two days at home–my body disintegrated, my emotions vacant. I took these things with me, to re-aborn them, and return better in all ways. However, I left my heart of love to family and friends in St. Croix Valley. I must return to it to form again whole.

People believe my object was to lose myself permanently to them, to cut my hair to spite their eyes, to indeed die “out there” alone. I intend no such thing. Why did I leave? I left not to go insane where I WAS, and to find that refill of life, with that objective look at everything away from THERE. Things can go wrong. Accidents do happen. Let all of us hope nothing bad happens, that the truly positive purpose of this adventure brings good luck.

I witnessed too much death in recent years from suffering sick to want to punish Nature and my loved ones by the supreme selfish act. Once, as a blameless bystander, a young innocent man died in my hands–expired as I touched his hand in comfort. A senseless, violent, and criminal act by a third stranger, killed him.

Selfishness may be a flaw, not entirely correctable. Sickness might possibly get cured or arrested, or put latent. I feel death, even by choice of drink or other reasons absent reason, remains far too serious and important to be decided by any individual, or a collective humanity, whether judge, jury, politician, OR scientist. The god and Nature alone weld wisdom to determine the final fates. People need to let the god alone and his power, Nature, to decide. Humanity, playing god, play as toddlers with scissors and matches. People must not dwell in the heavens, and stay in the places we can reach safe.